Can't Stop
by I-love-Snapey
Summary: Severus is watching Lily grow up away from him for he is still a child.... And how can he live while the one he loves is in love with another?
1. I Can't Stop the Tears

A/N: Severus is in his 3rd year at Hogwarts! This isn't meant to be like the books...

**I cant stop the Tears**

Stop,

Stop running away,

Stop running from me,

Stop running from us.

You,

You are still a child,

You are still the same as me,

You are still one of us.

Don't,

Don't grow up,

Don't abandon me,

Don't you leave me.

Why,

Why did you go,

Why did you grow,

Why can't you stay a child.

By Pollyanna Besley

Severus stood all by himself overlooking the lake when a salty tear slid down his cheek. So far this year he had not had one day without crying, it had all started when he had seen Lily his only friend flirting with that Potter boy... Lily wasn't just a friend to Severus but also the love of his life. When Lily talked to him she seemed distant, she was growing up leaving him behind he was still a child and Lily was a teenager. "Sorry Lily I Can't Stop the Tears"Severus thought aloud. Severus drifted away into his memories...

_11 year old Severus stood in the doorway to the kitchen but didn't dare enter as his parents were yelling, rather his father was yelling and his mother was crying. "You selfish cow! Your spoiling the boy with all those things." His father yelled at his mother. " They are books for school, he needs them" She wept edging away from him. "GET BACK HERE!" Tobias Snape yelled his face distorted in rage. Slowly his mother walked towards him shaking. It might have been okay if she had come quietly but she was still sobbing. When Eileen reached Tobias he made brought out his wand and smiled maliciously "Crucio" he said his rough voice soft yet loud. Slowly Severus watched as his mother screamed in pain, writhing in agony and he went very pale as if he was about to throw up. Finally he dragged his eyes away and crept in picking up his mothers wand and pointing it at his father his voice shaking he yelled "Crucio". Tobias Snape dropped to his knees and screamed shocked by this piece of magic. Severus was scared by this piece of magic it was the first spell he had ever done and it was an unforgivable curse. He bent down to see if his mother was okay and was greeted with his mother in a shivering mess. Scared, Severus ran outside trying to forget everything and leaving this mess for someone else to clean up..._

Severus Snape snapped back to reality when he heard the shrieks of laughter from a bunch of giggling girls. Severus sighed and wished with all his heart for Lily to come back to him a once again become a child. But alas once you leave your childhood behind you, you can never return... And Lily had left her childhood but Severus was still the little 11 year old boy who wouldn't dare go into the kitchen.

Severus sank to his knees and completely broke down and the tears poured down his face. Slowly he raised his head from his hands but the minute he did he wished he hadn't, there was Lily and as if hypnotized by her beauty he watched as she pecked JAMES POTTER on the cheek and gave a little wave. Severus watched amazed how could Lily do this? She hated Potter. This was so unfair. He hated Potter, he HATED him! Severus was fuming mad, his usually pale cheeks were scarlet. His eyes were still transfixed on the spot Lily had been and now James was grinning and boasting to his friends who were all laughing at James's flabbergasted look. Severus was mad and he was going to get that Potter back!


	2. I Can't Stop Pretending

A/N: Yo! I actually wrote that poem for the story but it's bad! PLease review it people!!!! There's only one more chapter left :(

I Can't Stop Pretending

I can't stop pretending,

I want to stop pretending,

I need to stop pretending,

I can stop pretending,

I will stop pretending,

I know I can,

But it's hard.

I still pretend,

I pretend you love me,

I pretend we are married,

I pretend we have a child,

I pretend we lots of children,

I know it's wrong,

But still I pretend.

I dont know how,

I don't know how to stop,

I don't want to stop,

I don't need to stop,

I must stop,

I know that I can,

But I don't want to,

And I am not going to stop.

Just outside the three broomsticks Severus stood in the snow waiting for Lily to walk by and see him enter. But after three long hours Lily had still not come, this was terrible he had overheard her say she would be meeting Potter and his friends here. Life was terrible! Nothing good ever happened to him... Slowly Severus began to trudge back to the castle, when he saw Lily and Potter! Severus gasped when James but his arm around Lily's waist and Lily didn't push him away. Severus ducked inside a doorway as they approached, he didn't want Lily to see him crying...

"Oh look it's Snivelous" The Black boy yelled, "He's crying!!!!" "Then maybe you should leave him alone?" Lupin told him grinning. Petigrew stood laughing until James and Lily approached, "Look James, Snivelous is crying!" he said excitedly. "Really?!?!?" James said beaming. "What? Who's Snivelous?" Lily exclaimed a little worried. "It's Snape! Duh" Petigrew said in his 'cool' voice. Severus gazed around at the group of gryffindores shaking, "Thanks allot LIly!" He yelled and ran off into the distance. "Wait Severus... I'm sorry" Lily yelled after him she turned angrily on Sirius "You git! I hate you!!!" She screamed at him and began running after Severus. "Wait Lily, Come back here!" James yelled. But Lily ignored him and continued to run. "Let's get a drink." Remus said and they all trooped into the three broomsticks.

Unaware of Lily behind him he slowed down and began to walk slowly back to hogwarts. Lily continued to run and didn't stop until she was walking along next to Severus. "Leave me alone!" Severus shouted at her and quickened his pace. "Severus, wait...Please?" Lily pleaded grabbing hold of his arm... "Why are you all over him??? You hate Potter!" Severus asked her angrily. "I'm we are going out, I'm his girlfriend..." Lily said. "Oh...Okay then." Severus said flatly. "Bye." Slowly Severus walked away and Lily knew not to follow him. Not knowing what els to do he started to walk back to hogsmead.

As soon as Lily had let Severus flopped down into the snow, it engulfed him, it protected him, it calmed him.How could Lily be going out with at prat? He was perfect for Lily...And he loved her. If only he could tell her, tell her everything, how he dreamed of her, how he imagined kissing her, how he would die for her... But she was with Potter now, he was too late... And now he would have to pretend forever that he only liked Lily as a friend.


End file.
